Some common lines of weather lore:
- If animals have an especially thick coat of fur, expect a cold winter.
-
- When squirrels bury their nuts early, it will be a hard winter
-
- Hornets' nest built in the top of trees indicate a mild winter is ahead; nests built close to the ground indicate that a harsh winter is coming.
-
- If you hear an owl hoot in the daytime, a storm is approaching.
-
- When clouds look like rocks and towers, the earth will be refreshed by showers.
-
- When clouds look like chicked scratches or mare's tails it will soon rain.
-
- High clouds indicate fine weather will prevail; lower clouds mean rain.
-
- Smoke that curls downward and lingers means a nearing storm.
-
- Roosting birds indicate a storm, because thinning air is harder to fly in.
-
- If the rooster goes crowing to bed, he'll certainly rise with a watery head.
-
- A warm November is the sign of a bad winter.
-
- If the woolly worm's (a type of caterpillar) head is more black than colored, the coldest part of the winter will come in the first months of winter.
-
- If fruit trees bloom in the fall, the weather will be severe the following winter.
-
- If the first snow falls on unfrozen ground, expect a mild winter.
JOE AND SIS SEND ALONG A FREE WEBSITER
WHERE YOU CAN GET DICRECTIONS TO MAKE
HUNDREDS OF PAPER TOYS OF ALL KINDS. FREE
HIT ON THIS LINK:http://www.papertoys.com/
Sherry Elek-Logue shares this link for the marvelous Cochrane, Alberta, Canada
living mural where each tile is interactive:
Especially hit on the horse's eye.
http://www.muralmosaic.com/Cochrane.html
*************************************************
Undercover Clubber Ritaray Kordich sends
this wonderful item. She writes:
...Here's a link to the performance of the US
Marine Drill Team at a recent Denver Nuggets
Basketball game. It almost makes your hair stand on
end.
For those of you who have spent some time in the
Military ... this Platoon performance makes you
almost want to cry ..not almost, but does, .. knowing the discipline and
practice time it takes to execute a military drill
with arms routine flawlessly. The flying rifles comes near the end.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y90UPLLo6nY
*****************************************************
Watch this almost-two-year-old having fun finding countries on a world map. Turn on your sound and get ready to be amazed! These parents have obviously made learning lots of fun for
their little girl.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This is unreal. Just wait for the gal to start skating. She waits a little while and then she gives an amazing performance. A possible new Olympic sport. Be patient; she contemplates for a bit but you'll see why:
http://www.glumbert.com/media/koreanfreestyle
HERE'S THE LINK TO THE SQUIRREL OBSTACLE COURSE
BE SURE TO KEEP WATCHING PAST THE TRAFFIC SCENE...
ALL THE WAY TO THE END
http://www.maniacworld.com/squirrel-obstacle-course.html
*******************************
Sexy or Not photo answer from our Home page:
Hit on this link for some awesome paintings
of Winters Long Ago.
http://www.greatdanepro.com/Winters%20Long%20Ago/index.htm
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Are you a true elementary school teacher?
Are you a true elementary school teacher? Let's find out:
1. Do you ask guests if they have remembered their scarves and mittens as they leave your home?
2. Do you move your dinner partner's glass away from the edge of the table?
3. Do you ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as you enter a theater with a group of friends?
4. Do you hand a tissue to anyone who sneezes?
5. Do you refer to happy hour as "snack time?"
6. Do you say "I like the way you did that!" to the mechanic who repairs your car to your satisfaction?
7. Do you ask "Are you sure you did your best?" to the mechanic who fails to repair your car to your satisfaction?
8. Do you sing the "Alphabet Song" to yourself as you look up a number in the phone book?
9. Do you say everything twice? I mean, do you repeat everything?
10. Do you fold your spouse's fingers over the coins as you hand him/her the money at a tollbooth?
-If you answered yes to 4 or more, it's in your soul--you are hooked on teaching. And if you're not a teacher, you missed your calling.
-If you answered yes to 7 or more, well, maybe it's TOO MUCH in your soul--you should probably think about retirement.
-If you answered yes to all 10, forget it--you'll ALWAYS be a teacher, retired or not!
SENT BY BERT ADELSBERG
CHECK your reflexes with this
Sheep game
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/reaction_version5.swf
SENT BY ETTA KATOCS OF FALL CITY, WASHINGTON
**********************************************************
Click here: Various & Sundry - Women In Film
SENT BY DOT JOHNSON
http://www.vivalagames.com/play/bashthecomputer/
SENT BY PAT MARSHALL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DO WOP QUIZ ANSWERS ARE BELOW
This is just too cute!
Just click on toot! Toot
Be sure sound is on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who among us doesn't feel stressed at some time or another?
Well, here is a little something that might help to relieve the stress.
Turn your speakers ON. Preferably loud too. IF you work in an office or somewhere that quiet and decorum is expected than I'd suggest you mute the sound to a very low level.
When the little guy shows up move your mouse like crazy, up down, sideways and all around and watch what happens. The faster you move your mouse the more animated he becomes.
Little kids who might not feel stress will even enjoy this one. I can almost guarantee that this will greatly improve your mood.
>>> Hey , this is kind of fun, give it a try. Sandy
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> It isn't as easy as it seems..TRY IT !!
>>>
>>>
>>> Bet you can't get 100 on the first try.
>>>
This is pretty neat! See how you do with the colors! Have fun!
It takes an average of 5 tries to get to 100%. Follow the
directions!
It's harder than it seems, as it should be!
http://www.njagyouth.org/colortest.swf
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HERE'S THE BOWLING TRICK LINK.
LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN DO THIS:
HIT ON THIS LINK TO TEST YOUR SENSES.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/body/interactives/senseschallenge/senses.swf
Ho Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~
Because of the recent incidence with Don Imus, Al
Sharpton and others
are insisting that changes take place in our country.
Santa Claus will be banned as he utters the clearly
racist and
misogynistic exclamation, "Ho, ho, ho!"
Pirate movies will be censored if they contain the
phrase "Yo, ho,
ho."
All references to the Seven Dwarfs will be punishable
due to the song
"High-ho!" which is offensive to sex workers of
enhanced stature.
Any mention of farmers will cease due to their use of
hoes, a racist,
sexist farm implement.
The Lone Ranger will be eliminated from popular
culture because he
uses the patently offensive phrase, "Hi Ho Silver"
All "Ho-downs" will be terminated as a racist affront
to non-Southern
White Christians.
All travel to Ho Chi Minh City will be banned.
The phrases "Heave-Ho," "Gung Ho," and "Tally Ho!"
will be expunged
from the English language.
HO HO SNACKS MUST BE REMOVED FROM SUPERMARKETS.
PLEASE COMPLY WITH THESE NEW RULES...SENT BY ED JANISON
*************************************
DO WOP QUIZ ANSWERS FROM OUR QUIZZES AND PUZZLES PAGE
Answers:
1. c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock
2. b) Blackboard Jungle
3. a) Angel
4. c) Blueberry Hill
5. a) Mr. Sandman
6. c) Sun
7. b) Charlie Brown
8. a) Mac Heath
9. c) Tutti Fruitti
10. c) Alan Freed
11. a) Little Richard
12. c) Annette Funicello
13. b) Don and Phil
14. a) Jiles P. Richardson
15. c) Motown
16. a) 77 Sunset Strip
17. b) Sandra Dee
18. b) The Monotones
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fall Classes for Men at
THE CCUK
ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Aug 30, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
**********************************************
See if you can figure out this card trick: http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=rh5m08655o
 ~
ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE
GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.
YOU WILL BE SAFE, I'M JUST TELLING YOU GOODBYE.--
BOB LOGUE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How good are you at matching socks...try your luck by hitting on this link. Click here: http://www.tomslighthouse.net/special/Socks.swf
***************************************************
PLAY WITH LIGHTNING... CONTROL A TORNADO ON THIS INTERACTIVE WEBSITE. http://whyfiles.org/interactives/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you know what film was in the theater when you
were born? Click on a year below to find out.....
This is really interesting.
1920 1921 1922 1923 1924 1925 1926 1927 1928 1929
1930 1931 1932 1933 1934 1935 1936 1937 1938 1939
1940 1941 1942 1943 1944 1945 1946 1947 1948 1949
1950 1951 1952 1953 1954 1955 1956 1957 1958 1959
1960 1961 1962 1963 1964 1965 1966 1967 1968 1969
1970 1971 1972 1973 1974 1975 1976 1977 1978 1979
1980 1981 1982 1983 1984 1985 1986 1987 1988 1989
Hit on this link to learn the
song that was #1 the month you were born:
https://home.comcast.net/~josh.hosler/NumberOneInHistory
/SelectMonth.html
This fascinating website provides you
with all kinds of information about
your surname (last name). Just hit
on this link and learn abour your
ancestry.
Search for Your Surname
++++++++++++++++++++++
Fathers of 1900 vs. Today
In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head,
he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's
just the vacation home.
In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding
naked down an icicle.
In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family
business.
Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough
to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.
In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered,
"Wake up, it's time for school."
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up,
it's time for hockey practice."
In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and
children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's
at gymnastics, I'm at gym, Pizza in fridge."
In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart
conversations while fishing in a stream.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout,
"WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE."
Sent by Spedunker Marsha.
Shipwrecked Ed
Four months ago, Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean
cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life -- until the boat sinks.
He finds himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other
people, no supplies... Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most
gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks
her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed over from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed
here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up
with you."
"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material
found on the island. I whittled the oars from gum tree branches; I wove
the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a
Eucalyptus tree."
"But ... but ... that's impossible," stutters Ed. "You had no tools or
hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, no problem," replies the woman. "On the South side of the island,
there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I
fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable
ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the
hardware." Ed is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf.
As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is
a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he
can only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I
call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like to have a drink?"
"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut
juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I built a still. How
about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on
her hand-woven couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories,
the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable.
Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in
the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in
the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a
hollow-ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel
mechanism. "WOW! This woman is amazing," he muses, "what next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing 'nothing but vines'
strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She
beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've
been out here for a really long time. I know you've been lonely.
There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something
you've been longing for all these months. You know..."
She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing!
"You mean ...", he swallows excitedly, "We can watch the STEELER GAME
from here?"
Sent by Gary Roberts
***********************************
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doct! or, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? " I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Ke! ntucky J elly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labelled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She rep! lied, "N o doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'!".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
14. You sing along with elevator music.
15. Your eyes won't get much worse.
16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weatherservice.
18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember themeither.
19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
20. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for yourconvenience
Sent by Bert Adelsberg
***********************************
See what the moon looked like and
lots of other great info about the
DAY YOUR WERE BORN BY HITTING ON THIS LINK:
Birthday Calculator
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Age Gauge
This will really make you feel old.......
Put your birth date in the pop up window after
you click on the below link. What happens is
pretty interesting. It's also amazing how
quickly it computes!! Very cool. Send it on to
all you think might like a bit of trivia!! Click here:
http://www.frontiernet.net/~cdm/age1.html Sent by John & Ruth Cherevka, Brentwood, PA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Use your cursor to fly over diaramas of
famous and not so famous places.
Hit on this link:
NEWS FLASH. 1852 NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS SOLVE GENEALOGICAL MYSTERIES.
It is New Year's Eve 1852 and Henry HYDENWELL sits at his desk by
candlelight. He dips his quill pen in ink and begins to writes his New
Year's resolutions.
1. No man is truly well-educated unless he learns to spell his name at
least three different ways within the same document. I resolve to give
the appearance of being extremely well-educated in the coming year.
2. I resolve to see to it that all of my children will have the same
names that my ancestors have used for six generations in a row.
3. My age is no one's business but my own. I hereby resolve to never
list the same age or birth year twice on any document.
4. I resolve to have each of my children baptized in a different
church -- either in a different faith or in a different parish. Every
third child will not be baptized at all or will be baptized by an
itinerant minister who keeps no records.
5. I resolve to move to a new town, new county, or new state at least
once every 10 years -- just before those pesky enumerators come around
asking silly questions.
6. I will make every attempt to reside in counties and towns where no
vital records are maintained or where the courthouse burns down every
few years.
7. I resolve to join an obscure religious cult that does not believe in
record keeping or in participating in military service.
8. When the tax collector comes to my door, I'll loan him my pen, which
has been dipped in rapidly fading blue ink.
9. I resolve that if my beloved wife Mary should die, I will marry
another Mary.
10. I resolve not to make a will. Who needs to spend money on a lawyer?
THE DILLARD'S SHOPPING BAG
This could only be true, you can't make this stuff up.
Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit---no flies, no smell.
What business could that poor kitty have had here?" murmured Ellen.
"Come on, Ellen, let's just go..." But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, "I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue." She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it.
They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell.
They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's Cafeteria.
After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window table, they had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag still on the trunk.
BUT not for long. As they ate, they noticed a black-haired woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car, look quickly this way and that, and then hook the Dillard's bag without breaking stride.
She quickly walked out of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond. "Can you imagine?" finally sputtered Ellen.
"The nerve of that woman!" Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief.
Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the black-haired woman with the Dillard's bag, THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing
her tray toward the cashier.
Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After clearing the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat.
After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure.
Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag. Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The noise grew.
The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest.
The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich maneuver.
A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived.
In a matter of minutes the curly-haired woman emerged from the crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney.
Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings.
The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared behind the ambulance doors, the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach.
My mom always taught me if it doesn't belong to you don't touch it, guess she didn't have a wise mom like I do. Serves her right, God does take care of those who do bad things!
Shared by Gary Roberts
*****************************************
1900 - Sugar was .04 cents a pound. Eggs were .14 cents.
-
-
1904 - Popcorn, hog dogs, ice cream cones and peanut butter were introduced at the St. Louis World's Fair.
-
1912 - The first Self-Service grocery store opened in California. The war in Europe affected imported pasta from Italy. Because of this, the US started large scale production.
-
1915 - Processed American Cheese was introduced to American stores by Kraft and Son.
-
1916 - The Piggly Wiggly Grocery Chain was started in Memphis, TN.
-
1919 - Milk was .15 cents a quart, eggs were .62 cents a dozen and sirloin steak was .61 cents a pound!
-
1920 - 70% of the population baked their own bread; by hand, of course.
-
1923 - Sanka, Welch's Grape Jelly and the Milky Way candy bar were introduced.
-
1924 - The Caesar Salad was created.
-
1927 - Pez Candy was introduced in Austria as a breath mint for smokers. Kool-Aid is introduced to the American public.
-
1930 - Ruth Wakefield of MA, invented the chocolate chip cookie. At that time, it was known as the 'chocolate crispie'.
-
1931 - The famous cookbook "The Joy of Cooking" written by Erma Rombauer is published. (If you happen to have the first publishing of this book in good condition, it's now worth over $1,000.) This is the year that Beech-Nut Baby Food entered the market. There were three varieties.
-
1932 - This is the year that many Americans went hungry and were undernourished. The average wage earner only received about $17 a week.
-
1933 - Prohibition has ended and Ernest and Julio Gallo Wines were introduced later that year. Ruth Wakefield created Toll House Cookies. Some food prices: one loaf of bread, about .05 cents, .10 cents for a quart of milk, eggs were .29 cents a dozen.
-
1936 - Howard Johnson's first restaurant was opened up in Orleans, MA on Cape Cod.
-
1941 - Cheerios Cereal comes into being, as well as M&M.
-
1942 - Anyone remember K-rations? Wrigley Company packed the rations for our troops overseas. The rations contained compressed graham biscuits, canned meat, cigarettes, sugar and, of course, Wrigley chewing gum.
-
1945 - Earl Tupper invests plastic food containers and founds the Tupperware Company.
-
1946 - The Culinary Institute of America opens in New Haven, CT.
-
1947 - The first microwave oven is introduced, called the Radar range.
-
1949 - 70% of milk sold in the US is homogenized. The first Pillsbury Bake Off is held in New York City at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel.
-
1970-1971 - an average family of four could eat well on a grocery budget of $45 to $50 a week. That would include steaks, chops and seafood.
Today - An average family of four can eat well on a grocery budget of $150 per week! This is ONLY if coupons are used, and items are bought when on sale. Seafood and steaks are now considered "luxury items" for low to middle income people.
E-mailed by Cari Staron, Montoursville, PA
GRANDMA SHOES
When I was very little,
All the Grandmas that I knew
All walked around this world,
In ugly grandma shoes.
You know the ones I speak of,
Those black clunky heeled kind,
They just looked so very awful
That it weighed upon my mind,
For I knew, when I grew old,
I'd have to wear those shoes,
I'd think of that, from time to time
It seemed like such bad news.
I never was a rebel,
I wore saddle shoes to school.
And next came ballerinas
Then the sandals, pretty cool.
And then came spikes with pointed toes,
Then platforms, very tall,
As each new fashion came
I wore them, one and all.
But always, in the distance,
Looming in my future, there,
Was that awful pair of ugly shoes,
The kind that Grandmas wear.
I eventually got married
And then I became a Mom.
Our kids grew up and left,
And then their children came along.
I knew I was a Grandma
And the time was drawing near,
When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes
Was what I'd have to wear.
How would I do my gardening?
Or take my morning hike?
I couldn't even think about
How I would ride my bike!
But fashions kept evolving,
And one day I realized
That the shape of things to come
Was changing, right before my eyes.
And now, when I go shopping
What I see, fills me with glee.
For, in my jeans and Reeboks
I'm as comfy as can be.
And I look at all these teenage girls
And there, upon their feet
Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes,
And they really think they're neat.
Author Unknown E-MAILED BY Cari Staron, Montoursville, PA
***************************************
WHY ARE MEN HAPPIER?
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple
creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another
snack.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white
T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car
mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas
station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't
have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same
work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the
time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about
tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can
open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she
can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes
are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your
face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years,
maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides
your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all
seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can
"do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning
growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on
December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
E-mailed by Jim and Barb Nestler
Points to Ponder...........
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until,
I learned that most people die of natural causes.
*
Gardening Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
*
The easiest way to find something lost around the house,
is to buy a replacement.
*
Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive anyway.
*
There are two kinds of pedestrians:
The quick and the dead.
*
Life is sexually transmitted.
*
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
*
If quitters never win, and winners never quit,
then who is the idot who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
*
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
*
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
*
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;
Teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies:
Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.
*
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
Lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
*
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days,
No one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue,
I start breathing again.
*
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.
*
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars,
and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
*
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
*
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn
right 45 Degrees."
Pilot: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How
much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a
747 makes when it hits a 727?"
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United
329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock,
three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to
say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an
exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard
right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off
Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to
the airport."
There's a story about the military pilot
calling for a priority landing because his single-engine
jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he
was number two, behind a B-52 that had one
engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked,
"The dreaded seven-engine approach"
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly
stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned
passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly,
was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise
he heard in the engine," explained the flight
attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance
in Munich overheard the following from a Lufthansa Flight
(In German) "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must
speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German,
flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must
I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful
British accent) "Because you lost the bloody war!"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching
to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off
we saw some kind of dead animal on the far
end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff
behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report
from Eastern702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared
for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied
Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was
told by the tower to hold short of the active
runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed,
rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past
the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the
DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all
by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the
insult go by, came back with a real
zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts.
Another landing like yours and I'll
have enough parts for another one."
The German air controllers at Frankfurt
Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot.
They not only expect one to know one's gate
parking location, but how to get there without
any assistance from them. So it was with some
amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to
the following exchange between Frankfurt ground
control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speed bird 206.
Speed bird 206: "Frankfurt, Speed bird
206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speed bird 206. Taxi to gate
Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and
slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speed bird, do you not know
where you are going?"
Speed bird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking
up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speed
bird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speed bird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in
1944, but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the
crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale
made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed
out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air
2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you
to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You
turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D,
but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed
crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up!
It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right
there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect
progressive taxi instructions in about half
an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you,
when I tell you, and how I tell you!
You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications
frequency fell terribly silent
after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771.
Nobody wanted to chance engaging
the irate ground controller in her
current state of mind. Tension in every
cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely
running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the
silence and keyed his microphone,
asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
*****************************************
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WOMEN AND MEN
Woman 1: Did you get a new haircut?
Woman 2: Yes, I did. Thanks for noticing.
W1: Oh! That's so cute!
W2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure after
my hairdresser gave me the
mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
W1: Oh no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to
get my hair cut like that, but I
think my face is too wide. I'm pretty
much stuck with this stuff I think.
W2: Are you serious? I think your face
is adorable. And you could easily
get one of those layer cuts - that
would look so cute I think. I was
actually going to do that except
that I was afraid it would accent my
long neck.
W1: Oh, that's funny! I would love
to have your neck!
W2: Are you kidding? I know girls
that would love to have your shoulders.
Everything drapes so well on you. I mean,
look at my arms, see how short they are?
If I had your shoulders I could get clothes
to fit me so much easier.
MEANWHILE....
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah. E-MAILED BY STU TYLER, SUFFOLK, VIRGINIA
***********************************
MOTHER CLEAN
I HAD SPENT THE WEEK visiting my sister, and
we expected our parents to
arrive the next day. Early
that morning I awoke to the noise of the
vacuum cleaner. My sister was
hard at work sweeping, dusting
and cleaning windows. "What are you doing?"
I asked sleepily, as she
shoved a dust-cloth into my hand.
"Get to work. Mom and Dad will be here
by noon." She raced into the
kitchen and began mopping the
floor.
"The place looks great," I protested.
"You cleaned it just before I
got here."
"Yes, but for you the house was
sister clean," she replied, never
breaking stride with her mop. "Now
it has to be mother clean!"
I started dusting.
E-mailed by Mary Jean Hoover
*************************************
Bad Writing Awards
Listed below are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton
Contest, aka the "Dark and Stormy Night Contest" run by
the English Department of San Jose State University,
wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel:
10. "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if
he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber,
he would never hear the end of it."
9. "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."
8. "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would
have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face
framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep
azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes,
perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a
small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that
defied description."
7. "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one
thing on his mind as he crept along the East
wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
6. "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always
on the cutting edge of narcissism, was
about to give his body and soul to a back
alley sex-change surgeon to become the
woman he loved."
5. "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear
of mice, it did not keep her from eeking
out a living at a local pet store."
4. "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat
detached, but then penguins often do."
3. "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed
with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of
Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2. "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye
who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear';
a man who could laugh in the face of danger
and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron
with suicidal tendencies."
AND THE WINNER IS.....
1. "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved
aside darkness, crept along the greensward,
and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the
castle window, revealing the pillaged princess,
hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied
horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying
beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's
deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!"
E-mailed by Carol from Missouri
*************************************************
ARE YOU A YANKEE OR A REBEL? TAKE THIS FUN TEST AND FIND OUT BY
HITTING ON THIS LINK:
http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/yankeetest.html
J.R. Jamieson shares this neat website. Do you know how many months, weeks, days, hours etc. old you are? And what did the Moon look like the day you were born. Find out at this website
Life Explained !
On the first day, God created the dog.
God said, "Sit all day by the door of
your house and bark at anyone who
comes in or walks past.. I will give
you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's too long to be
barking. Give me ten years, and I'll
give you back the other ten." So,God agreed.
On the second day, God created
the monkey. God said, "Entertain
people, do monkey tricks, make
them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-
year life span."The monkey said,
"How boring... I have to do monkey
tricks for twenty years? I don't think
so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's
what I'll do too,okay?" So, God agreed.
On the third day, God created the
cow. God said, "You must go to the
field with the farmer all day long
and suffer under the sun, have
calves and give milk to support the
farmer. I will give you a life span of
sixty years." The cow said, "That is
really a tough life you want me to
live for sixty years! Let me have
twenty, and I'll give you back the
other forty." So,God agreed again.
On the forth day, God created man.
God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry
and enjoy your life. I'll give you
twenty years. Man said, "What?!
Only twenty years?! I tell you
what.. I'll take my twenty, and
the forty the cow gave back,
the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back.
Now that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You've got a
deal." So......That is why the first
twenty years we eat, sleep, play,
and enjoy ourselves Then, for the
next forty years, we slave in the
sun to support our family. For
the next ten years, we do monkey
tricks to entertain the grandchildren.
And for the last ten years we
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